Buddha

To replace the memories of past trauma
I  now fill my mind with the teachings of the Buddha
Each suta, each word, dissappates the trauma
The words heal me
Propelling me forward to the present
Letting go of the past trauma
Letting go and replacing the trauma with a field of flowers
How wonderful, how beautiful
Flowers blooming
Down the road I hear the music of the icecream truck
Normally a not so good memory
I pay no mind to it now
Tramautic memories of the past are powerless over me
I am free at last
Flying like a bird
Diving thru the water like a dolphin
Running free

So the Lotus grows in me,

Awareness

The sun shines
the wind comes
first warm, than cold
music of birds
cars coming and going
remembering to breathe
determining what is important
 today
questions
blessed to be able to see and hear
keep promise to self
clouds, coming and going
drifting, drifting on
the wings of life


Love and Light

Reflections on mindfulness

After so many years of living on a limited amount of energy and learning to cope with pain, I look at my life thru the eyes of mindfulness; I'll never forget the day I had to walk up a hill to catch a bus, to me walking up this hill felt as difficult as climbing a mountain, each step requiring a great deal of attention and strength, I find this with many tasks that need taking care of during the day, so mindfulness fits right in with my life and was a way of bringing meaning to each task I did no matter how menial it may seem to some.

To me the tasks I complete are often the events of my life, for most people an event would be going out with friends, a trip, of course these things we be events for me but just don't happen very often due to illness; most people; not all  hurry thru household tasks to get to the next thing mostly because these days there are so many things  people need to get done, or they would rather be doing something else.  Sometimes the way you approach a task can make all the difference.  I remember a time when I had to get up to go to the bathroom sometimes 10 times a night, and each  time I would  just breathe and say okay this is it for me no point and being annoyed walking meditation to the bathroom mindfulness there mindfulness back; this is basically how I 've chosen to navigate my life and find some inner peace with living with this illness.  I find that if I do a practice each day it builds on itself and the practice gets stronger so it is easier to practice in difficult or intense situations.

Mindfulness and the practice of meditation and yoga have been my life raft; and the few people I have in my life that care about me and understand the illness; I'm lucky to have a kind and compassionate Doctor and was diagnosed by a Doctor of Internal Medicine that devoted a good part of his life to studying and understanding and supporting people with cfs/fibro.   He also started me doing restorative yoga which is a great help.  He is retired now. 

Having a daily mediation practice helps me to grow as a person and become more peaceful with the present, with whatever is going.  Many people have stated that suffering is a gift, sometimes I think it is and sometimes I think it is just too limiting.  It definitely has steered me in the direction of studying Buddhism, Meditation, Yoga.   Would I have gotten there anyway, maybe, alI know is that I have to travel the path and challenges I've been given and find a way to live in joy and contribute to the world.  Sometimes my posts might not sound too joyful; life is mostly like that even for the healthy, the wide spectrum of emotions come and go, the thoughts come and go, the challenges come and go; my goal is to find equanimity thru the come and go of it all and my hope is that if I can find equanimity the people around me might be affected by it in a positive away.

Love and Light

This day

This day the sun is shinning,
this day,
The traffic rushes by
a dog barks
a bird chirps
people walk by
cut their grass
this day fatigue blurs my world
I wish to do a yoga practice
my energy feels low,
somehow makes it difficult to go to the mat
face myself
writing feels safer,
i slept late
my breath feels uneasy
i pushed myself yesterday
how can i go back to bed when the sun is shining
my door is open
so i can see my friend the tree
i'm writing
i am alive
i must open
sometimes when I push myself too much, I find I start shutting things out, my bodies way of protecting me
from feeling too overwhelmed
i feel lost in the wilderness of illness
an environment that is still illusive
tears shed will clear the way
for a better today
breathe, forcus on my breath i tell myself
things will become clearer
i feel glued to my chair
i'm feeling so tired
too tired to make breakfast at noon
i gaze at the the tree
looking for strength and grounding
i must find the strength inside me
to do what is right for my body
so much pressure from the world
to do, to accomplish
many things I would like to do
must work with what is in front of me
my present

Love and Light

KarmaTube: Daniel Nahmod - One Power

KarmaTube: Daniel Nahmod - One Power

Lost

Today I feel so lost, as if I fell off my journey to inner peace with what is, I don't seem to have much enthusiasm for my paint brush I spoke of in my post yesterday.

It's the fatigue and the pounding headache that has gotten to me.  Taking activity and my abilitly to act and think clearly away from me.

I wish there was a magic wand to take all this suffering away.

I'm choosing to curl up in front of the tv and watch movies, other people living their lives, if I can stay awake, if I not I will listen to my body and return to bed hoping for some energy to return,

Love and Light

I am the artist of my life

I love spring, it is such a beautiful time of year, still cool enough so pollution is not too bad, everything blooming, art in motion, the whole earth is art in motion and each day I arise I am a paintbrush, I paint my life, even if I'm feeling good or not so good the brush is still in my hands and I can choose what colours I want, what words I choose to say, my motions, how I respond to my environment, if I have an instinct, when I have energy to guide Dharma to being a balanced dog; she is shy and counts on me to be her leader, a role I must fill; I am happy, I wish all beings to be happy, I wish all beings to be free from suffering and to live in balance and ease, including the earth and all that have the gift to live here and all beings near and far.