Today barely able to sit up at the table to type I reflect upon why I called my blog journey, after all isn't a journey where you pack up and go some place, I'm lucky if I get to the store or out for a walk.or even upstairs, so why journey, I suppose I could have picked a more fitting name but that's what came to mind that day; I'm on a journey, the journey of life. Learning to surf the ups and downs of life with a chronic illness.
Today my granddaughter is performing at school, I would have loved to go, not able to go because of this mind numbing fatigue threatens to flood me with sadness, I keep it at bay knowing if I let it hit full force it will take away the little energy I have. It's painful to be absent from so many things I would like to be present for, yesterday it was my other granddaughters sportsday I would have loved to be there for that to. I often rely on other people to tell me what it was like so I can get a feeling for the event even if I wasn't there to experience it myself. You would think I would be used to these things by now. Do I fight back the waves of sadness, or navigate around them. I think with my energy level the way it is right now I'm going to have to lay down something I'd rather not do right now, perhaps some restorative yoga will help me regain some balance. So much of my time and energy seem to go towards trying to restore myself and take care of the basics where is there energy for other things? for relationships, friendships, Where, where, where?
That's when I tell myself breath, just breath, just this moment, there will be better days, and so it is.
"Happiness" on Independent Lens.
11 years ago
